


Stop Helping

by Quipplepunk



Series: Sirius Black [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Caregivers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts, Marauders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quipplepunk/pseuds/Quipplepunk
Summary: Strong social networks foster healthier people. Caregivers often perish before their charges. Both statements are equally scientifically true, at the same time. The Marauders have made a family of themselves. But sometimes, boundaries are crossed and well-meaning friends do more harm than good.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Sirius Black [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709893
Kudos: 18





	Stop Helping

**Author's Note:**

> For context of Sirius's "rough night," see the previous work in this series, _You Shouldn't Be Alone, I'm Here. ___

“Should we wait for him or tell him to meet us in the Hall?” James says to Peter and Remus. 

The three stand in a huddle in the middle of the room. James’s arms are folded across his chest. Remus’s hands are in the pockets of his robes. Peter rocks back and forth on his heels, swinging a loose fist into his other hand over and over. 

“He’s probably taking long on purpose. But in his defense, there was quite a bit of blood,” Remus says. Peter and James stare at Remus so he continues, “He had a rough night. And I tried to help, but…” Remus shakes his head and shrugs. 

“It sure sounded rough,” Peter says. 

“Yeah, those nightmares sounded murderous,” James says. 

“Not just the nightmares, though,” Peter adds. “Didn’t you hear him in the bathroom? Him and Remus?” 

“Uhm, no,” James says, looking between Peter and Remus with one eye brow raised. 

“It takes screaming to wake you up? Slamming doors and muffled yelling is nothing?” Peter teases. 

“I would ask if the nightmares had been that bad since he moved in with you, but now I’m wondering if this is the first night you’ve even noticed,” Remus taunts. 

“Pick on me all you want,” James says dryly, looking to the door that leads to the bathroom after hearing the shower finally turn off. James strides over to the bathroom door and peaks his head inside. “Hey, Sirius, we’re going to head down to breakfast. Meet us there, yeah?” James is still for a long while before he closes the door and walks back to the others. He sighs as he says, “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll see him at breakfast.” 

“I’ll wait here for him,” Remus says. “I really think he shouldn’t be alone.” 

“I don’t know,” James replies. “At home, he seemed to feel better after having some alone time.” 

“Yeah, but…” Remus mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“What do you think, Peter?” James asks, folding his arms across his chest again. 

Peter shakes his head and shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s always kind of hit or miss with Sirius, no matter what we do, so.” 

“What’re all of you cahooting about?” Sirius says, stepping out of the bathroom fully dressed. His long, wet hair is braided and twisted into a bun at the back of his head. 

“Just deciding if we’ll have time at lunch to turn the Black Lake pink or if we’ll have to wait until this evening,” James smirks. 

Remus rolls his eyes. “I keep telling you, it’s not going to look pink. The lake is too dark. It’ll just look brown. People may not even notice.” 

“I say we do it whenever is more likely we won’t get caught,” Peter pipes up. 

“We won’t get caught if you’re the distraction, Peter,” Sirius sniggers, lightly backhanding Peter on the chest. Sirius walks past the group and to the door leading to the common room. 

“Hey, I’m not –” Peter starts, but is cut off when James jabs him in the side. “James! You promised you’d stop doing that!” Peter takes a swing at James, but James dashes out of the way, laughing. 

Remus sighs and shakes his head. “Oi! Quit pissing around. We should catch up with Sirius.” James and Peter pause, whipping their heads around to look at the exit. Not seeing Sirius, the three boys quickly leave their dorm in pursuit. 

It didn’t take long to catch up with Sirius. The four toss about friendly banter as they move down the halls and carry on through breakfast. Sirius is even louder than usual. People around the group chalk it up to it being the first day officially back in school, the first day of classes. Sirius has a reputation of making himself the center of attention. Half the girls find it endearing. The other half try to kill Sirius with nothing but nasty looks while willing their magic to “accidentally” drop a chandelier on his head. Some of the boys find Sirius’s looks and bold personality attractive, but are intimidated by the thought of joining the House of Black. Plus, the boys romantically interested in Sirius usually assume that if Sirius is gay, then he’s probably dating at least one, if not all, of the marauders; they’re intimidated all over again by the thought. The nonbinary and genderqueer people have sworn an oath that no one is to go near Sirius Black until he comes out publically. Potentially revealing their gender minority status to such a powerful and terrifying family as the Blacks is recognized by the group as much too great a risk. 

Sirius, stuck in his traumatized brain, feeling inadequate, afraid of being at the same time too much and not enough for a romantic partner, is oblivious to most of the flirty-type of attention he receives. Sirius only feigns ignorance, though, of his friends’ growing concern for him. 

“You see him scratching at his arm?” James says under his breath, leaning over to Remus. Remus nods. “He does that when he’s anxious. I don’t think he knows he does it,” James explains. Remus nods again. 

“What?” Peter says in a loud whisper from across the aisle, between the rows of desks. 

“Mr. Pettigrew,” Professor McGonagall says sternly from behind her desk at the front of the classroom. “It’s only the first day. Please don’t give me cause to give you a detention.” 

“Sorry, professor,” Peter mumbles, looking back to his essay. Peter shoots a glare at James and Remus, who are struggling to suppress their giggles. 

“For Godrick’s sake,” Professor McGonagall says. “Care to share with the class what’s so funny, Mr. Potter?” 

“It’s nothing, professor. Just... had a tickle in my throat,” James replies, clearing his throat. 

McGonagall stares hard at the back row for a few minutes. Feeling her stare, none of the boys look up from their work again. 

“Why does she never call you out? You were laughing, too,” James whines as the four boys walk up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. 

“Just better at hiding it, I guess,” Remus grins. 

“Ooohhh, I’m Remus and I’m perfect in every way and everyone loves me and I never get in trouble,” James mocks in a high pitched voice. 

“It’s true, it’s true,” Remus jokes. The four laugh. 

“You ok, mate? You’ve been kind of quiet since breakfast,” Peter says, gently elbowing Sirius in the ribs. 

“Nah,” Sirius says, “You just ain’t been listenin’.” Sirius shoves Peter and takes off up the stairs, not waiting for Peter to retaliate. 

“Go on! Run away! I know where you live, Sirius!” Peter calls after him, shaking a fist in the air half-heartedly. 

When James, Remus, and Peter make it to their dorm room, Sirius is nowhere to be seen. James and Remus exchanged wide-eyed looks and Remus quickly peaks his head into the bathroom. Looking back into the bedroom, Remus shakes his head. 

“Peter, go look in the common room,” James directs. “Maybe we passed him.” 

Peter smirks and shakes his head. “Why? He’s right there.” Peter points out the window. 

The window is mostly shut, certainly not noticeably ajar from across the room. Remus strides over to the window and opens it. He sticks his head out and looks around. “Sirius, what on Earth are you doing?” Remus says, amused. 

James and Peter walk over and lean out the window, too, piling on top of each other. Sirius is laying across the eaves under three windows. Sirius’s heels are on the roof just outside of their dorm, where the boys are hanging out of the window. His torso is supported by the ledge of the window next to it and the tip of his head rests on the next window’s edge. Peter and James laugh heartily. 

Sirius lifts his head, pressing his chin to his chest so that his neck makes creases and rolls. “I’m eavesdropping,” Sirius says, grinning. 

James and Remus laugh. Peter laughs, but with less conviction. 

Remus composes himself enough to ask, “Who are you eavesdropping on, Sirius?” 

“Hoff,” Sirius said, laying his head back again. 

“Hoff? Who’s Hoff?” 

“Jack. Jack Hoff.” 

Again, James and Remus roared. Peter rolled his eyes and gave a half-hearted laugh as James slapped him on the back. 

“But the more important question, gentleman, is why am I eavesdropping?” Sirius says. 

“Wh- wh- why are you eavesdropping, Sirius?” James laughs out, breathless. 

Sirius sits up slowly, carefully, on the window’s ledge that was holding up his torso. “Just looking for a … window of opportunity,” Sirius says, a smug look on his face. 

James and Remus lose themselves in another fit of laughter. Peter shakes his head and pulls himself back into the dorm. After a few more moments of uncontrollable giggles, James and Remus move out of the way so that Sirius can join them in the dorm room. 

“James, Remus,” comes a voice from the doorway. “Professor McGonagall wants to see the both of you.” 

Facing the door to see Lily Evans, James blushes and loses his breath. Remus elbows James hard in the ribs and says, “Why? I mean, she only threatened Peter with detention, not us. Not me…” 

“Hi, Lily!” James blurts out. 

Peter face-palms and flops onto his bed. “James,” Peter groans into his pillow. “Your embarrassment is contagious!” 

“Embarrassed? I’m not embarrassed!” James glares at Peter. Remus rolls his eyes and drags James across the room by the sleeve of his robe. Lily already left the room. “Way to go, Peter! Now we’ve lost her.” 

“It’s not like we’re going to get lost on the way to McGonagall’s office, James,” Remus chuckles as the two exit. 

Peter stays buried in his pillow until the sound of footsteps disappear. He lifts his head and glances around the room, Sirius gone from sight once again. Peter rolls out of the bed and peaks out the window. Then he looks in the bathroom. A very uneasy feeling settles in his stomach. “Sirius?” Peter says to the empty space of the bedroom. “Where’d you go, mate?” 

“Peter?” Sirius mimics. “Where’d you think I went, mate?” 

Peter whirls around and sees Sirius sitting at a little desk in the corner of the room. Walking towards Sirius, Peter says, “I forgot that we even have a desk in here.” 

“We don’t,” Sirius smirks. “I transfigured a stack of your underwear.” Peter cocks his head to one side, his face scrunched up. Sirius continues, “Why else would it be so small?” 

Peter tries to hold his disgusted look a little longer but doesn’t manage well. “You’re such a prat, Sirius,” Peter says with a light laugh. 

Sirius turns back to his work. Peter walks towards his bed, stopping halfway and changing directions. Peter glances over his shoulder and sees Sirius bent over a book on the desk. As quietly and carefully as he can, Peter slides open a dresser drawer. 

“Checking on your undies, Wormy?” Sirius sneers without looking up from his work. 

Peter jumps and manages to pinch the tip of his little finger in the dresser drawer. He squeaks and cusses under his breath, kicking the dresser before he walks away, sucking on his hurt finger. Sirius shoots Peter a sideways glance. Returning the look, Peter sticks his tongue out at Sirius. 

The two never really share many words. Peter listens to James because James is bossy. But Sirius can get Peter to do things without even needing to speak. One long look, a few head tilts, and a couple of pointed fingers is all it takes for Sirius and Peter to communicate. There’s really no explaining that connection. They haven’t worked for it at all. Maybe it’s just that Peter spends so much time observing Sirius, following him around. 

Peter spends a lot of time observing just about everything. James is the one that starts rumors, but Peter gives him the truth-base to go off of. Remus plots the most elegant forms of revenge, but Peter is the one that gives Remus all the details he needs to make sure no one gets caught. Peter doesn’t observe things for Sirius, not like he does for James or Remus. Peter observes Sirius. All of his watching Sirius makes it so that Peter can back up nearly anything Sirius is trying to accomplish. The problem is, sometimes Peter thinks he knows people better than they know themselves. 

“Out with it already,” Peter says, setting his book down and turning on his bed to face Sirius. 

“Hm?” Sirius jerks at Peter’s voice breaking the long silence. “Out with what?” 

“Come off it, Sirius. You’ve been holding your tongue all day. Just cut the act and tell me what’s going on.” 

Sirius narrows his eyes and hisses, “What are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about,” Peter says, standing and walking over to Sirius, “you. You being pent up about something. You not telling us what happened over the summer. You pretending like you didn’t wake us all up with your nightmares last night.” Sirius glares hard, his nostrils flaring. Peter goes on, “I’m talking about you, Sirius. You scratching yourself bloody. Do you even know you do that?” Peter reaches out to grab Sirius’s arm where Sirius broke skin only moments before. 

Sirius rips his arm away from Peter’s grip, knocking over the chair he was sitting in when he jumps up. “Back the fuck off,” Sirius grinds out. 

“No,” Peter spurns, stepping closer to Sirius. 

“Pettigrew, if you don’t get the fuck away from me, I swear to every god there is I’ll –” 

“You’ll kill me?” Peter interrupts, finishing Sirius’s thought. “That’s your new thing now, is it? Threatening to kill your friends? That’s what you said to Remus last night, right? That if he didn’t leave you alone, you’d kill him.” 

Sirius is red faced and he shakes with the tension in his body. “So what if it is?” Sirius says viciously. “What if it is my new thing?” Sirius steps forward, puffing out his chest. Peter and Sirius are so close they can feel each other’s breath. 

The pair stand toe-to-toe for a moment. Peter loses his composure first, taking a step back and sighing deeply. “Please, Sirius. Just talk to me.” Sirius is unmoving. Peter goes on with a wavering voice, “Don’t talk to me, then. Talk to James. Talk to Remus. Talk to one of those fucking gods you’re always mentioning, for fucks sake. But you have to talk to someone.” Sirius just glares at Peter. “Ok, look, I get it,” Peter says, beginning to pace around the room. “You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. You don’t have to talk. I didn’t want to talk about it when my dad got brought in for questioning. You remember. When the Daily Prophet was saying that he was a Death Eater. Just because we had that ring. And then he left, without even telling mom, you remember. Without telling me. I didn’t want to talk about how it all made me feel. I didn’t want to say anything about the whole mess. But then you and James got to poking at me and –” 

Sirius is shaking his head. The words shoot out of Sirius’s mouth like bullets, “You think that’s the same thing?” 

Peter stands frozen in front of Sirius. Looking Sirius in the eye makes Peter lose his breath. Peter flushes and feels his blood run cold. “N- n- no. No,” Peter stutters, stumbling a few steps backward. “It’s not the same. I know it’s not. I was just saying… I was just trying to… I mean, I…” 

“Shut up, Peter,” Sirius booms. Sirius’s stare pushes Peter back a few more steps. 

“Sirius, I –” 

“Shut up!” Sirius shouts. “You have no idea what you’re talking about! Just shut up! Shut up!” Sirius is fuming, pacing around the room. “You don’t have any fucking idea what you’re fucking talking about you fucking fuckhole,” Sirius mumbles under his breath. “Just fucking leave me the fuck alone, you fucking fuck.” 

“Sirius…” Peter squeaks from across the room. 

Sirius stops short and snaps his head up to look at Peter. “What?” he bites out. 

“I, uh,” Peter clears his throat and looks away from Sirius. “Sorry. I’m, uh, I’m gonna go.” Peter slips through the door and runs down the stairs to the common room.


End file.
